An Internet friend is trying to run a D&D game in her town, but she’s found that one of her players has (what I consider to be) frankly absurd expectations for the game.
Stuff like “what do you mean, the dragon attacked me when I threw a rock at it?” Ma’am, you cannot run around just Pippin Tooking all over the place and expect there to not be consequences! You’re lucky that wasn’t a Balrog! Sorry, I mean legally distinct Balor.
Anyway. My friend was distraught and thought, maybe she did something wrong? Now. I know I’m only getting one side of the story here, and that naturally I’m going to side with my friend. But here’s the deal: It doesn’t actually MATTER if my friend is Right or Wrong. She’s allowed to run a game where she expects the players to more or less behave in reasonable ways, not deliberately screw things over for the other players, etc.
If you want to be a PC who acts in antisocial ways, then that’s a conversation you need to have with your DM ahead of time, ideally during Session Zero. And it’s a good idea for DMs to have an Expectations Document, where they lay out what type of game they expect to run.
For me, one of my general expectations is “no PVP” (player versus player). I find it very stressful to have to navigate between in-character conflict. So if someone else really enjoys PVP and wants to play that style of game, that’s okay – they just can’t do it at my table. It’s a compatibility issue. And maybe their desire for PVP will make it hard for them to find a group to game with. Or alternatively, maybe my desire for a PVP-free group will make it hard for me to find players.
But the most important thing to remember is that nobody is obligated to change their playing style to suit someone else’s wishes. Even if that person’s preferred style changes mid-game.
And relationships are the same way. If you want fundamentally different things – even if you changed your mind about what you wanted after being together for a long time – then it’s not just okay, it’s *positive*, to go your separate ways.
Even if that means you spend a while without a partner.
Emilybook 