A dichotomy I’ve noticed a ton over the years is the different ways people handle their phones at night (or when they sleep).
Some people keep their notifications turned on, and expect their friends not to send them text messages (the way, in the olden days, we didn’t call on the POTS phone after 9 pm because it was inconsiderate).
Other people set their phones on silent or Do Not Disturb at night, and simply check their messages in the morning.
I’m a part of Camp 2. I generally lose touch with Camp 1, because I’m never sure if it’s okay to text them or not.
In general, I treat texting as asynchronous. If something is urgent, I make a phone call (or other workaround if the person does not use the phone).
I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect someone to wake up to text message notifications. That level of sleep interruption is unhealthy (not to mention literally torture). Similarly, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect someone to *not* send a text message when the thought strikes them; texting as a medium is very different from speaking (in person or on the phone). Again, it’s wholly asynchronous.
I’m aware that this probably makes me a Very Geriatric Millennial or whatever. Now get off my lawn.
In any case: like most Differences, this is something that folks hold in a very deep-seated way, where you’re unlikely to change the other person’s mind; all you can do is acknowledge the way they feel, and do your best to get along. Which is really disappointing, I know.
Emilybook 