Category: References

Posted on

“The categories were made for man, not man for the categories”

Many years ago, my friend shared this Slate Star Codex essay with me. It really crystallized a lot of my feelings around the concepts of trans rights and how ultimately, we should be able to be good friends and neighbors to trans people even if we don’t understand them on a deep fundamental level.

It may not be the full-throated “how dare anyone believe anything else” defense of trans rights that many might prefer; but I actually find it more compelling for that very reason. (And it’s okay if your mileage varies on that. It’s not personal for me in the way it is for many of you.)

Give it a read.

Posted on

End of life planning

To go along with “I’m dead – now what?” I wanted to share this link from the Order of the Good Death.

End of Life Planning

You should have an Advanced Directive so that your family and friends know what your wishes are with regards to your care in case you become incapacitated.

Posted on

I’m dead! Now what?

Having promised a few folks a blog post about this resource, I wanted to share this downloadable PDF with all of you.

This is the version I bought. You can get different versions, color or different paper size or similar.

As with many things in my life, I have satisficed with this activity. I haven’t fully completed every item in the document; but I’ve printed out several of the sections, and filled them out to the best of my current ability.

There is also a bound book format of this concept; I believe it has the exact title listed here. You can get it at any major retailer. I thought about getting that one, but I opted for a 3-ring binder, because it makes it easier to include printed-out sheets from my employer’s website and things of that nature.

One thing I did not anticipate in all this is having to shuffle the Friends/Contact Info page around. A close friend severed all ties with my social circle shortly after I started working on this book; crossing out her name on the page felt bad. But at the same time, it serves as a bit of a time capsule for my life at that point. I haven’t reprinted that page.

Some of the stuff here has overlap with the concept of a Butler’s Book: how to contact the utility company, etc. That’s fine. Redundancy is actually good, when you’re talking about critical systems, current zeitgeist notwithstanding.

That’s about all I’ve got for now. I’ll probably add a few more things over time as they occur to me, but this should do as far as summary blog posts go.

Posted on

Preparedness!

If you know me in person, you know I (a) have anxiety and (b) like to be prepared for things, Just In Case.

A few years ago, I made this little Tumblr for building a basic go-bag for hurricanes or wildfires or whatever. I thought I’d share it here now, in case anyone is getting Analysis Paralysis about how to get started.

https://www.tumblr.com/unfuck-your-prepping

Be safe, everyone! Put on your own oxygen mask, etc.

Posted on

Reminder about taxes

Because some folks I know got hit with this one recently, here’s a reminder that when you are Married and you file your W4, the “married” checkbox makes the form assume you are the sole earner for your family, and it calculates your withholdings accordingly.

Yes, this is idiotic.

No, I don’t know why the W4 is written that way.

Here is a Personal Finance Reddit post with more information. As always, the IRS is the final arbiter on this stuff; internet people can try to explain it but always go back to irs.gov to be sure.

Posted on

Disentanglement

A few years back, I read this essay about “The Most Skipped Step” (when opening up a monogamous relationship).

The post itself is specifically about the context of Non-Monogamy or Polyamory. However, I find it useful even for monogamous contexts, because it’s very important for the members of a couple to retain their autonomy and identity as individuals, even when they are exclusively having sex and romantic relationships with each other and no one else.

Our society prioritizes and elevates sexual and romantic relationships above all else; but our platonic connections with our friends are also important, and can be just as (or more) important than our romantic/sexual ones. If you fall ill, your spouse is likely to be your primary caretaker; but caregiving is hard work, and should never fall on just one person. This is where The Village comes in. And having strong loving friendships is so important for that kind of resilience and endurance.

So, without further ado: the essay!

https://medium.com/@PolyamorySchool/the-most-skipped-step-when-opening-a-relationship-f1f67abbbd49

I have been informed that the author of this essay is Problematic. I do not know the details; I’m just noting this as a reminder that we should read everything with a critical eye and really try to analyze it, not absorb it uncritically. (I expect you all to read my posts critically as well.)

Posted on

Resource: Why Does He Do That?

I just wanted to bookmark this resource for the next time it comes up in my social circle:

https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

The book “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft is a classic resource for people in dysfunctional relationships to analyze the behaviors they are seeing. It may not apply to every relationship, but it’s something worth checking on when things seem “off.”

Posted on

Easy Budgets by Michelle Singletary

This column by Michelle Singletary really gets at the meat of how to make a simple budget. (It’s basically what I do.)

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2024/01/10/easy-budget-no-app/

  1. Write down all the money that’s coming in.
  2. Write down all the money that’s going out.
  3. Set limits on your spending.
  4. Do the math. (I use Excel/Google spreadsheets for this.)

This format might not work for everyone – I have friends who swear by You Need A Budget (YNAB), for example – but it works pretty well for me.