Tag: sex

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Really excellent comment from Reddit

I know the original will probably get deleted, so I’m just going to paste this here.

The original context was a young woman asking for relationship advice when her boyfriend wanted to have sex and she wasn’t ready yet.

Assuming that you are in your early 20s (as listed in your other post)


If you want to remain a virgin and your boyfriend wants a relationship with sex, then you are not compatible, and yes the relationship will probably end. 


> I kind of like being a virgin


> it’s not even like “oh I’ll be ready soon,” I genuinely don’t know when I’ll be ready


You may be asexual. 


> how do you even know when you’re ready? it’s not something you can undo


There was a time I had never tried Thai food, and then I tried it and realised I liked it, so now I eat Thai food regularly. I don’t think about “who I was before I had Thai food”, it’s not like I lost anything by having a new experience.


But if you don’t want to have sex and you don’t think you ever want to have sex, you should tell prospective partners that you’re asexual. It means “I don’t want sex” vs “I just haven’t tried it yet.”

The Thai food metaphor, in particular, I find very apt. Sex isn’t particularly special; it can be risky; it can carry extra religious or cultural weight; but in the end, it’s just another experience, one that you are free to try or not try, as you wish.

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A NSFW neologism

When you take precautions so that other people can’t hear you going at it, that’s called OPSEX.

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Two Boxes: a metaphor about sexual ethics

One of the most influential essays I’ve ever read, in terms of how it changed my perspective on religion and sex, is the “Two Boxes” essay by Libby Anne at her blog “Love, Joy, Feminism.”

In the religious tradition I grew up in (Roman Catholicism), we did talk about consent some (in the sense that all sex should be both Unitive and Procreative, and non-consensual sex is not Unitive), but we still very much used the “Sex God approves of” and “Sex God does not approve of” set of boxes.

Being able to put this idea into words – the idea that Catholic sexual mores were lacking, and didn’t match up with how I felt about morality – was a liberating experience, and I credit it with being the beginning of my own sexual awakening. For a long time, I think I had held on to the ideas I learned as a teen steeped in Catholic youth culture — that sex was wasteful and unhealthy if done in a “wrong” context, and that only a very small number of sex acts were even plausibly “right.” Even when I verbally disavowed that attitude, it hung on in my subconscious for much longer than it ought to have.

In my mind, the thing that makes a given sexual act moral is whether it is Consensual and whether it is Honest. Not whether a given religious doctrine says it is appropriate.