Author: elenloth

Posted on

‘Til we’re on the other side

Today I was listening to “The Breaking Light” by Vienna Teng, and remembering a friend’s pregnancy, and how we were all holding our breaths for her.

Listen to the sirens, listen to the heartbeat
Listen to the turning tide
Listen to the murmurs, carry them inside you
‘til we’re on the other side

And we listened to the heartbeat. And now we’re on the other side, and she has a rambunctious toddler, and we all breathe.

And I think this is a good time of year, and time of history, to remember that there will always be another side. We’ll get there and we’ll get there together.

Posted on

Shopping local: Three Gear Games

I’ve been shopping and gaming at Three Gear Games and their predecessor store (The Family Game Store) since I moved to Maryland. The owners are friendly, and I love being able to host board game days in the store when I don’t have the spoons to do it in my house. Plus their stock is awesome; not just games, but stuffies and various accessories too.

https://www.3gearstudios.com

Posted on

Shopping local: Queen Takes Book

I’ve been trying to buy my physical (paper) books from Queen Takes Book, even if they have to order them, rather than ordering them from Amazon. I’m not doing any kind of complete boycott (I lack both the executive function and the certainty that it would accomplish anything useful); but actively purchasing from a local store is something I love doing.

https://www.queentakesbook.com/

Posted on

Community

Lots of thinking about community and small towns this weekend.

Community is a system of mutual obligations and unmeasured transactions. (I stole this line from a friend because it’s true.)

You help people, they help you, on down the line. It doesn’t even have to be a barter economy, just a gift economy.

But in every case: you have to show up. You can’t half-ass this.

Posted on

A Butler’s Book

In the vein of trying to get my stuff all documented so I have predictable schedules and don’t accidentally forget to change some unknown filter and my house blows up, I’m trying to start really writing down all the details of my household.

At some point a little while ago, I heard about the concept of a “Butler’s Book,” and I really like it. Googling it today found me this blog post and associated Google Doc; I’ll be adapting that to meet my needs and then printing it out.

I also kinda want to start keeping a paper address book again, but with more information than just addresses. Like, birthday/favorite color/fandom/etc. I should look for a template for that, too.

This project goes hand in hand with my “I’m Dead, Now What?” binder.

Posted on

Social Time and Normative Time

Despite the fact that I have a lot of trouble being on time to things (probably due to a little bit of time blindness/optimism about how long it’ll take to do stuff), I have a very Normative sense of time: things happen at an established time, and we should attempt to meet that time/deadline to the best of our ability.

My friend told me a while back about another way of viewing time – Social Time. This is the way of thinking about time that’s often assigned a nationality (Moroccan time, Greek time, Island time, whatever), and it’s associated with just accepting that things happen when they happen and not stressing too much about running later than anticipated.

I find Social Time very anxiety inducing; this might be related to the Ask/Guess dichotomy, in that I like to have things clearly defined (even if I fail to meet them). Hard to say for sure.

I also have this Tweet bookmarked from a while ago; let’s see if embeds still work.

https://twitter.com/the_wilderless/status/1578258844605730816?s=20&t=BfpB_R4f5-Hz_SEOHkNY_w

Previously on this subject

Posted on

Everybody wants a village, but nobody wants to put in the work

I think this is going to be a macro post, where I come back and add things as they occur to me.

This Slate column

My friend recently linked me to this, and man I got nothing. Just read it.

https://slate.com/life/2024/11/parenting-advice-friends-loneliness-village.html

These comics

I just got a Bluesky account and already the algorithm knows me.

https://bsky.app/profile/pervis.bsky.social/post/3lbqarh4u7k2p

https://bsky.app/profile/spookyforcefrancis.bsky.social/post/3lbshvyhf422b

Some thoughts

If you want people to show up for you, you have to show up for them. Modulo disability, being physically present really really matters. I can’t help my friend move but I helped her pack and purge and can store some of her stuff. I’ve babysat for friends without pay, including overnights, because that’s what friends do when they’re able. And when I was very sick last year, my people showed up for me.

I tolerate a lot of things in my life. I recognize that we can’t always build a village out of picture perfect people that we’ve cultivated like Sims, just like that columnist says. I’ve always been afraid to get close to my neighbors, because what if they’re awful? I’m stuck with them. But: maybe if we get close, they won’t be awful. Or maybe they were never awful to begin with.

For now: I’m just grateful for the friends I do have. Thank you for being with me.