Ten pounds of personality in a five-pound bag
I backed this board game on Kickstarter purely on the basis of the little bread dragon making creme brulee, but I’m so glad I did. (I just wish I’d gotten the pink fancy dragon, too!)
If you’d ever like to come play it with me, and I know you IRL, just say the word. My child doesn’t often have the attention span to play a full game of it.
Flamecraft on Board Game Geek (buy it at your friendly local game store!)
Saw this TikTok (about 5 laws the OP would like to see to make capitalism better) on a break today, and I appreciate a lot about it!
I’m still on team “let’s make capitalism safer and better” rather than team “let’s throw out the whole capitalism.”
A few years before I had my kid, I came up with (or possibly read about? It’s been a minute) a fundamental difference in vacation philosophy: do you go on vacation to Relax, or do you go on vacation to Do Fun Activities?
Neither kind of vacation is right or wrong, mind! They’re just different styles of enjoying yourself. I think this is somewhat related to, or at least similar to, extroversion versus introversion. Some people prefer to always be on the move, and some need down time to recharge.
If you’re planning a vacation with someone new/for the first time, you’re definitely going to want to discuss with them which kind of vacation they prefer. You should also factor in the location and cost when making that decision; for example, I would consider it a huge waste of money and travel spoons (and carbon expenditure, let’s be real) to fly to Japan only to have a Relaxing Vacation. If I’m going to another country, it’s because I specifically want to go there and do things there.
When you throw a kid into the mix, things get even more murky. Being a parent of a small child is like traveling around with a small robot that has self-destruction wired into its circuits. You cannot relax if you have a young child with you, unless there are other competent adults along for the trip.
This lack of ability to relax is called “Traveling With Children.” And it is not, ever, a “Vacation.” If you’re lucky, you can have small Fun Activity vacation slices within it, though!
We stopped going to the beach with friends because the house they rented every year had a pool, and we didn’t trust the entire complement of 6-10 childfree 20-somethings to always remember to shut the gate. (You don’t fuck around with pools. You just do not. They’re like guns in terms of danger to children, only they’re quieter and more appealing.)
We did take her to the beach for a family wedding, and we stayed in a house with a pool because we knew we could trust the grandparents (who were also in the house with us) to be diligent. They also gave us respite childcare so we could relax a little bit on the trip. But that was still mostly just a Traveling With Children trip, because we had no “relax” default mode. We were still “on” for 90% of the time.
If you have relatives who try to pressure you into going on Big Family Trips, you’re not a bad person if you can’t stomach the idea of trying to keep you tiny human alive in a strange place with no routine and no comforts of home. I’m profoundly grateful that my family helped us with caring for our child on those trips. But I’m also very aware that not every family is like that.
So, that’s my feelings about Relaxing Vacations, Fun Activity Vacations, and Traveling With Children.
This Onion article gives a pretty devastating take on Traveling With Children as well: Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean
A little while ago, I heard about a useful term for discussing the issue of cultural appropriation versus appreciation: closed practice.
In brief (others can link to longer explanations if they wish), the idea is that some things are a Closed Practice (that only people in that culture can really appreciate and participate in), and other things are an Open Practice (anyone is free to do the thing, without censure from anyone except overly enthusiastic 14yos on Tumblr).
As an example: tattooing is not a Closed Practice. Many, many cultures have tattooing as a tradition, and it’s not appropriation to get a tattoo. However, there may be specific tattoos that would be considered closed practices. Like something related to a coming of age ritual, or similar.
I’m not using specific real examples in this post, because I don’t want to get bogged down about one culture or another. But in general, if you’re trying to have a good faith discussion with someone about whether a given thing is appreciation or appropriation, ask: Is this a closed practice or an open practice?
Saw this video from the D&D people on Instagram and it reminded me of one of my soapboxes: that everyone deserves to be paid enough to live on, no matter how humble their job is.
“If you work a job, then you outta make a living” is how the country song puts it (I’ll have to link that one too). I’ve got other thoughts about disability and UBI, but as an absolute baseline I’m comfortable with that; and we, as a society, still do not reach it. The bar is under the ground and we’re still somehow not clearing it.
I just took the Official Knights Radiant Order Quiz!
Looks like I’m a Truthwatcher. That’s cool; I don’t know much about them yet but I’m excited to see more as the series progresses! (I just finished Oathbringer. Please no spoilers.)
Continue reading “Knights Radiant”
I’ve had best friends before.
One, or six, or fourteen at a time?
At this stage in my life, I think the whole concept of a best friend is children play-acting at monogamous marriage before they’re ready or interested in a romantic relationship with anyone.
I still remember the agonizing feelings I had when someone else got to be The Best Friend when I wanted to be.
And I remember the guilt I felt when I drifted apart from my closest friend of childhood. Was I, somehow, divorcing her?
I’ve had “friend breakup” talks, as an adult. They were painful, but a necessary part of being compassionate to someone you once (and still) care(d) about.
One of my friends in college told me, “Best Friends isn’t a single job; it’s a tier.” I didn’t believe her then. I do now. (And her husband is the person I’d pick if I was forced to pick a single best friend, which is an amusing bonus anecdote.) For the most part, I don’t have a single best friend; I have a rotating cast of friends who are all close to me in different ways. One friend is my local emergency contact for everything. The other (aforementioned) is my advance directive POA. Yet another pair are the designated guardians for my child in case both my ex husband and I pass away.
A friend today shared a post about how “best friend” is a term that imitates monogamy, and it made me think about all this. (I don’t have the link handy, but I’ll add it when I do.) It’s been percolating in my mind for a while, but I haven’t really put it into words.
It’s not realistic to expect one person to be all those friends for you; different people are different, and every dyadic friendship has its own shape. They don’t take away from each other, except inasmuch as time and energy are limited things.
I am grateful, though, for all the friends that I do have, and for all the friends I used to have. You have all touched, shaped, my life in one way or another.
I’m glad that I don’t have to pick one friend to be a Best Friend.
I love doing paint nights.
Continue reading “Amateur”I had a small realization just now.
I think part of the reason that I view my body as separate from me (my brain, mind, consciousness, soul, whatever you want to call it) is that my body is starting to break down, and I view that as a personal betrayal.
Just TAB things, I guess. (Temporarily Able-bodied)
Recently, my browser decided to give me this article from Psychology Today.
Why your adult child treats you like dirt
It gives some really thoughtful suggestions for the parents who actually do want to reconnect with their children, and who are willing to be introspective and to think about what their behavior may have contributed to the current situation.
Continue reading “On parenting adult children, and estrangement”
Emilybook 