Ever since my own divorce five years ago, I’ve turned into some kind of Divorce Doula for a number of friends. It’s difficult emotionally, but rewarding to be able to help them through the worst period of their lives.
The biggest thing I tell them?
You need a lawyer.
That’s it. That’s the first piece of advice.
You need YOUR lawyer.
You have to have a lawyer that’s got attorney client privilege with you and will not share your questions with the other party in the divorce case.
Grey Rock
No matter what you think about Narcissism Discourse, your job now is to minimize contact and conflict with your ex partner. Don’t start fights. Don’t try to litigate disagreemens. That’s what the lawyer is for.
You might need three lawyers
If you do something like Mediation or Collaborative, you’ll still need your own lawyer to look over the outcome and make sure there’s nothing you’ve missed.
Your friends are not lawyers.
If your friend says something about the divorce or what your responsibilities are, nod and listen and ask your lawyer about it.
If your friend says “you’ll have to pay alimony forever” they’re full of shit. Ask your lawyer.
Even if your friend says something that seems plausible, they’re full of shit. Ask your lawyer.
Even if they are A lawyer, they’re not YOUR lawyer.
You need your own lawyer with a legal and ethical responsibility towards you.
Sometimes the cheapest way to pay for something is with money.
Having a lawyer is the best way to ensure that you’ve dotted all your i’s and have covered every eventuality. You don’t want an expensive surprise happening.
Keep calm.
Like the Etsy mug at the beginning says. This, too, shall pass. Like a motherfucking kidney stone. But you WILL get through it.
Emilybook 