Author: elenloth

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Making plans when your friends are anxious

I just saw a life tip on Reddit that I thought I’d share here!

When you’re confirming plans with someone, don’t say “Are we still on for tomorrow?” This can sometimes send them into a spiral thinking that you would actually rather they cancel.

Instead, say “I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!” This lets them know that you aren’t secretly hoping they’ll cancel.

Is this a bit silly? Yes. But brains are dumb; and cell phones have made it so easy to flake out on plans that I think it’s worth changing our speaking structure to account for it.

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Omelas

Many years ago (high school?), I read “The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas,” by Ursula K. LeGuin.

I have been appreciating (perhaps “enjoying” is the wrong word) the recent short stories that build on this concept.

Why Don’t We Just Kill the Kid In the Omelas Hole


by Isabel J. Kim

https://clarkesworldmagazine.com/kim_02_24/

The Ones Who Stay and Fight

by N.K. Jemisin

https://www.lightspeedmagazine.com/fiction/the-ones-who-stay-and-fight/

They are worthy reads.

I think of Omelas as a sort of koan; I think this is because I cannot bear the responsibility of what it would mean to accept the reality of the world we live in. I can try to reduce my dependency on items manufactured with slave labor, my need for things that objectively make the world a worse place; but I don’t know if I can rid myself of all that entirely.

I am not a follower of Christ. I have not sold all my possessions to take up my cross and follow him. I chose a different path, many years ago. Around the same time as I read Omelas, in fact.

But I can still try to get as close as I can to that ideal, in reasonable small incremental steps.

It’s not enough. But it’s not nothing, either.

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Burned Haystack dating

Today I learned that this concept has a name – Burned Haystack. (I’ve heard of it before, but it didn’t have a name.)

Basically, the idea is to be as raw and honest and true as possible on your dating profile, so that you don’t waste time with incompatible people. It might take longer to find a person who meets your parameters, but they’ll be a better fit for your life and goals.

The metaphor is that if you’re looking for a needle in a haystack, it can be better to just set the hay on fire and then look for the needle in the ashes.

20+ years ago, advice columnist Carolyn Hax called hairy legs “a built-in doink filter.” I’ve always remembered that.

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Potioncraft

Last week, I finished playing the game Potioncraft. It was honestly exactly the sort of cozy little dopamine hit I needed during the end of the summer and all the changes and transitions going on.

It’s also the first game I’ve ever 100%’d on Steam, or possibly ever. (I don’t tend to finish games; even Spirit Tracks, my favorite Zelda game, isn’t complete because I couldn’t fight Ganon or whoever it was. Gosh, was that really 15 years ago?)

In any case. If you like crafting sims that are navigational puzzle games, give Potioncraft a shot.

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Long books

My friend just shared with me a video where a man is complaining about how Alchemized is 1000 pages, but then he realizes that it’s about the same length as many fanfics he’s read.

But all I could think was: this man needs more Brandon Sanderson in his life. 🤣

(I exclusively read Sanderson in digital format, because my house is only but so big…)

Anyway. I read Alchemized when it was just fanfic, not its own separate book, and: it was DARK but it was GOOD. It’s the kind of book that hollows you out inside, but leaves a nice little fire inside. Like a jack-o’-lantern. Or something. Anyway, go read this book.

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Unexpected parenting difficulties

Being a dungeon master for ages 12/12/9 is surprisingly difficult. But so far, they seem to be having fun?

They didn’t have enough of an attention span the first session to do a Session Zero, but they’ve given feedback since then so I think it’s probably enough to go on now? Obviously I’m not hitting any really rough emotional stuff, but even things like “combat, talky stuff, or puzzles?” is surprisingly difficult to maneuver.

This session they all got pets (no magical abilities, just cute pets that follow them around and then run away during combat) so that was a big hit!

Definitely open to (written) suggestions for how to (BRIEFLY) discuss Session Zero topics. 😁

(please no podcasts or videos, due to my own hearing and attention issues!)

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Proxy wedding season

I’m old enough that the wedding rate has slowed; but I want to state for the record (and after hearing a friend’s ridiculous story) that zero weddings should require attendees to purchase entirely new clothing.

Members of the wedding party, sure. That’s an honor and obligation that can always be turned down. (And I think requiring expensive extra trips there is inappropriate, too.)

But it’s beyond inappropriate to tell your guests “go buy a new outfit all in orchid taffeta” or whatever.

Just my curmudgeon opinion. 😁

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Ghazban Ogress

I had never heard this story before today. This is a real bummer from Magic’s history. I hope they can make an apology.

The Story of Ghazban Ogress
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An orange rose

Rose

I remember, years ago, reading a poem about how red roses are for passion, and white roses are for committed love; so the ideal rose for a relationship is one that’s mostly white but with a blush of red on the tips of the petals.

That may be ideal for some people! But I would hesitate to claim it works best for everyone.

Today I was thinking about how my favorite roses are the ones that look like this. I have one as the background of this website, in fact.

Yellow, but with a goodly amount of red as well.

A yellow rose is for friendship.

This, to me, is the ideal relationship structure.

A close friend made this quiz for thinking about your relationship, as part of his work as a therapist. It can either be for analyzing an existing relationship, or for thinking about what your ideal relationship would look like. Anyway, I think it would work pretty well to visualize it with different rose colors, or with a full-om Tussie Mussie.

https://quiz.sowellsocialwork.org/lovetrianglequiz

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Clopens

If a business schedules an employee for a Clopen (where, for example, they close on Tuesday and open on Wednesday), that employee should receive overtime pay for both Tuesday and Wednesday.

Having to clock out at 11 pm and clock back in at 7 am the next morning is inhumane.

Just an idle opinion I had.